When it comes to food, it’s obvious when something has gone bad. Things begin to look, smell, and if you get that far (god bless), taste funky. We even get expiration labels warning us when something is no longer good for us.

Naturally, people discard the spoiled item. We don’t sit around contemplating and then decide it’s “not that bad” and just eat it to keep the peace.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had that clear of evidence in our daily lives?

When it comes to relationships, careers, and truly any major life transition, all the concrete rules and “sell-by dates” no longer apply. These topics are more nuanced and deserve a higher level of introspection.

So, let’s get into it. What happens when we clutch onto things too tightly? And how do we know it’s time to start letting them go? Why does this become so complicated so quickly?

So many reasons.

Maybe a felt sense of obligation. Whether it’s a relationship, career, or even a city, the thought of leaving can almost begin to feel like a betrayal. As if investing so much means you now owe them even more.

Logically, you can identify that this doesn’t make sense, but that logic doesn’t always matter. You’re not able to confidently point to signs of spoilage, so you start convincing yourself that it’s not that bad. You feel guilty for wanting a change.

I mean, “better the devil we know than the devil we don’t,” right?

So, I bring up again: why do we stay in things that we have outgrown? Well, it’s certainly less scary.

We won’t risk having to hurt someone’s feelings—just our own.

We won’t risk leaving our steady paycheck—just our sleep, free time, and self-worth.

We won’t risk leaving our hometown—just our adventurous spirit.

We don’t know if we’re even capable of starting over. We’ve never done it, and we’ve certainly judged others for putting their needs first. And each time we have this thought spiral, a new year passes and we convince ourselves that we are once again too old to start over.

So, I invite you to think back to a time when you got fired, broken up with, had a loved one move away, or any other life transition that was out of your control. A time when you got hurt.

Did you try to change yourself? Did you beg? Did you try and prove yourself repeatedly even though the dynamic simply stopped working? If so, that’s okay, you’re only human.

Eventually, you may have realized that the other person or situation genuinely was not the enemy. For many reasons, it just stopped working. Despite how hard it was to go through, it probably taught you some kind of lesson.

Signs of spoilage aren’t always obvious to others even when we begin to feel it deeply ourselves. It’s okay to realize that what once worked no longer does.

Leaving the devil we know for the one we don’t can feel absolutely terrifying, even when it’s right.

Let’s stop making “It’s not that bad” our bar for a life well lived.